It’s All About Me

The other day we all turned a page over in our calendar’s. Well actually, we began a new calendar and a new diary. Unless you’re like me, a stationary addict who bought her sparkling new diary a month or two ago. I was delighted to discover that my new diary started in December 2013! I was able to use it straight away. Mind you I only have a vague notion of where it is sitting right now.

For me, this New Year has just been another day in the week. Well I wanted it to be just another day. The constant posts on Facebook from people reflecting and making resolutions annoyed me and I refused to do my own. Yet a new year brings new possibilities and the chance to begin again. I avoided reflecting and resolving and then I watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, a film filled with starting over. On New Year’s Day I had a momentous conversation, but I’ll probably write about those two things in separate blog posts.

The point being, I am starting again. On this blog. I’ve been meaning to get back to it for the longest time and now is as good as ever. I stumbled across the Zero to Hero 30 Day Blogging Challenge and that’s it! Here I am. My new start.

I’ll re-introduce myself.

This is me, Sara. The one that this blog is all about.

This is me, Sara. The one that this blog is all about.

Who? I’m Sara, disability care worker, devoted aunt, artist, crafter, slightly scatterbrained. I love everything creative and I love words. I love to write and to think. I love Jesus and yet I am a simple human who doesn’t always get it right. I think, I think too much and this sometimes means I get labels like “depression” and “anxious” looming over me. Yet I’m also passionate, about people, about kindness, about grace, about creating a world that is beautiful and filled with grace. I’m complex apparently, it’s part of being an introvert and I love it.

What? What is this blog about? It’s about thinking and sharing. Something I’ve learnt in life is that we all live behind walls and it just takes one person to be vulnerable and share to help start breaking those walls down. So I’ll be honest, I’ll share my life, I’ll think and muse. When I find stuff that makes my heart smile or my spirit resonate, I’ll share it with you.
There will also be photos. I will attempt to do the weekly photo challenge with bonus words added in!

When? My goodness, I’d love to set goals but I am useless at them really. No matter how useless I am at them, if I don’t set them what will motivate me?! One of my goals for 2014 is to blog more and I am going to aim for at least once a week – the photo challenge with some thoughts. Oh, and you’ll be inundated over the next 30 days as I undertake the Zero to Hero challenge. I probably won’t make it every single day but gosh I’ll give it a good crack.

Well blogosphere people, I need to go and find that beautiful 2014 Diary.

Until next time

Love,

Sara xo

Weekly Photo Challenge: Thankful

Image

There are many things that I am thankful for.  I have pondered them all after I read this week’s photo challenge. Thankful, there are so many things that I could have written a whole post about. Yet as I flicked through photos for some ideas I came across some photos I took of some fireworks in March. I just LOVE fireworks!  I am thankful that despite how I may feel some days, there I always that light that shines deep within my spirit. That no matter how dark this year has seemed at times, there still remains hope.

The thing is, when you are in the middle of a low period everything seems dark. Events and things that normally make your heart glad go unnoticed and unrecognised. Darkness is dense, it’s lies of aloneness and unworthiness are formidable. J.R.R Tolkien brings darkness into The Lord of the Rings in many ways, yet for me it is Shelob’s Lair that describes it all to well:

 “They walked as it were in a black vapour wrought of veritable darkness itself that, as it was breathed bought blindness not only to the eyes but to the mind, so that even the memory of colours and of forms and of any light faded out of thought.” (The Two Towers)

Frodo and Sam felt lost and suffocated until Sam remembered the light of Earendil that had been gifted to Frodo. In the midst of that blackness, light overwhelmed the dark. The light also brought hope and courage to the two. As a Christian, I carry the light of Christ. It is this light that enables me to see the things that I am thankful for. The light of Christ that illumines the darkness to reveal what monsters lurk beneath so that they can be defeated forever. It is this light that gives me hope, it gives me courage and urges me on despite the lies that may whisper in the night. This light also illuminates the blessings and beauty within and around me so that I can see that I am not alone. It shines upon that which I am thankful for. Light can never be defeated by dark.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness can never extinguish it.” (John 1:5)

 Thanks for reading. Thanks for following. I would love to hear of your stories and journeys in this world. I pray that my blog brings a little light into your world too.

Love,

Sara xo

Daily Prompt: A Letter To Myself 20 Years From Now

Dear Sara

It’s hard to write a letter to you. I mean, you’re 20 years older and assumingly wiser, stronger and better.

These then are my simple words to you my dear friend…

I hope that through the wind and storms of life your footsteps have remained strong and sure. That your heart continues to love radically. That your heart continues to fill and overflow with your Saviour’s radical love. I hope that each person that encounters you knows and experiences love deeply.

My dear one, if life has left you walled off and scared, look deep inside. Do not feel ashamed. I have known struggles and despite the darkness that threatens to overwhelm, there is always a spark. Look deep, find the spark and allow it to glow and burn once again. You are created for love, to be loved and to love.

However this letter finds you, continue to put one foot in front of the other.
With love

Your 32 year old self.

p.s read and study Isaiah 43 and the Song of Songs. Yep, all of it.

Daily Prompt: Letter To My 14 Year Old Self

 

My dearest Sara

It is with much love and affection that I write to you today. I wish that within this letter I could seal a hug that would envelope you in my arms. Instead I will write some words to wrap around your heart.

Life is not easy for you at this time, I remember it well. The loneliness, anger, sadness, rejection and heartache buried deep within hurts you little one. Life will bring more pain and sorrow, that is not something that I can take away. Remember dear one that there is always sunshine, joy and laughter.

Continue to create. To draw, to paint, to craft and to write. You bring beauty into this world. Your soft, vulnerable heart that seems to not match your fire and strength is a gift. At times it feels a burden, but it is there that your compassion, love and creativity is birthed. Your soft heart is also part of the amazing gift that you have with children, even from such a young age. Celebrate it all, ride the roller coaster of what it is to be you. You are beautifully and wonderfully made.

God has and will continue to place incredible people around you. People who truly love you for who you are. Not what you can give them. Open your heart to them, lean on them and allow them to love you.

There are others that will take advantage of your generous nature. Learn the ability to say no, to discern why you are giving and only give out of unconditional love. Learn also to discern those that would take out of greed or selfishness. Give generously but with thought.

Look up. Speak up. Deep within you lies a strength that many do not have. The strength to keep going when you feel there is no hope. Your strength comes from both who you are and your love and faith in God. You are smart, intelligent and strong. Whatever it is you put your mind to, you CAN do it. Whatever ignites your spirit – allow it to burn bright until it is a raging fire.

Most importantly, dearest Sara Ann, Princess of Grace, know that you are loved. By God and by people. You are never alone. You are worthy to give and receive love. You are ok. You are more than ok, lovingly created and put into this world for a beautiful purpose.

You are never alone.
With love

Your 32 year old self

P.s Read and study Psalm 139 and Isaiah 43.

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Silhouette

This is my daily view as I sit here relaxing, reflecting, creating and finding refreshment. I’m on holiday, staying with friends in their home near the town of Devonport in northern Tasmania. It is beautiful here. I love this tree, and as the sea miss rolled in off the Bass Strait I was entranced. I watched as the mist swirled and provided a perfect backdrop for this tree. The thing with a hibernating tree, is that it promises new life. Buds are beginning to form again on it’s skeleton. Where there seemed to be nothing, life is springing forth.

Throughout the Bible there are many references and images based on trees. Yet for me, now, in my season of winter, this image reminds me of Ezekial’s vision of the valley of the dry bones (Ezekial 37:1-14). The promise of life in a place of death.

Hope.

I’ve been nervously reading WordPress’s “The Daily Post At WordPress.com”. I want to delve into the blogging world with full force but lack confidence, discipline, thoughts, ideas and a few other things. My hesitation is that I’ll feel compelled to post every day and I just don’t think I’m up for that kind of commitment. Then I discovered the Weekly Photo Challenge – two of my great passions combined!

Here I am. Here’s my first post. I’ve glued the “Post A Day” badge to my blog and promised my perfectionist within me that I don’t have to post every single day. Once or twice a week is fine too.

Looking forward to the journey ahead. Always feel free to comment, question and leave feedback.

For now bloggonians, I bid you a goodnight

Love,

Sara xo

What Now?

I’ve enjoyed doing a daily post. Especially one that expressed thankfulness for all of the amazing things that I have in my life. I set out to do the 10 Days of Gratefulness for a couple of reasons (which you can read in detail here). Mainly for my own need to inject and encourage positive thinking into my own head. To begin to change the negativity I have around my birthday. I also did it to start rolling along in my blogging. The 10 days finished a week ago and I found myself wondering… did it work?

Well, the 10 Days of Gratefulness has indeed motivated me to write my blog each day. I found myself thinking about the next one and building up excitement for the blogs to come. I enjoyed going over in my mind what I would write. Not just for one day but for the entire week. I planned and thought forward rather than just writing on a whim. I am definitely motivated to write more, but what next for Musings of a FlutterbyBear??!! (ideas welcome!) I don’t want to do an endless line of “10 Days of…” It’s fun once in while but boring for all if it’s pumped out continuously.

The other reason I wanted to do 1o Days of Gratefulness was to avoid the slump or low mood that I feel towards my birthday. Did it work? I think it actually did. My birthday week was pretty awesome  overall. The actual day was such an anticlimax that it almost ended in tears. I’d tried to keep it simple and it still didn’t work out. This was due to factors outside of my and others control. It’s still not fair though! Through all of this I have hit some slumps and felt bleh. Yet the negativity has started to shift. I didn’t expect everything to change over night – or even over 10 days!

A life time of low self esteem and low self worth is something that likes to cling and stick. My 10 days of looking at the blessings in my life has begun to dissolve the bits that do not bring me life. Change is happening, life is stirring in my heart where there was once numbness or pain.

Yep. It’s worked. But what now? Not sure. We’ll see.

Love,

Sara xoxo