Honesty is the best policy has always been one of my most important values. I had it drilled into me at an early age that lies are terrible and that I must always tell the truth. I must have really taken this to heart, even not telling the whole story is lying and therefore bad. If asked a direct question, especially to my face, I am unable to lie. I did once, lie that is, and I then spewed. Literally. That’s how strongly honesty has been ingrained into who I am. As I’ve grown up, I have had to learn that it’s ok not to tell everyone everything. Not everyone I know needs to know every detail about my life. At work if the boss or someone complains about something and it was me, I’ll fess up straight away.
Recently I was too honest too soon. I don’t regret much in life, things happen for a reason. I regret being too honest this time. Not the honesty, but in the timing. It’s hard when you can’t keep something to yourself because of that intrinsic part of who you are. This time, for my own health and wellbeing, I wish I’d been able to keep it to myself for a little bit longer. I wish I’d been selfish for a change. It’s been a rough couple of months and I wish that I had just waited a bit longer. To when I could deal with the fall out a bit better. To when my feet were back on the ground and I’d begun to find my center again. I still believe that honesty is the best policy, it’s the when and how that I need to be cautious of.
I wonder though, if in a few weeks or years, I’ll look back and realise that even this was meant to be.