What Now?

I’ve enjoyed doing a daily post. Especially one that expressed thankfulness for all of the amazing things that I have in my life. I set out to do the 10 Days of Gratefulness for a couple of reasons (which you can read in detail here). Mainly for my own need to inject and encourage positive thinking into my own head. To begin to change the negativity I have around my birthday. I also did it to start rolling along in my blogging. The 10 days finished a week ago and I found myself wondering… did it work?

Well, the 10 Days of Gratefulness has indeed motivated me to write my blog each day. I found myself thinking about the next one and building up excitement for the blogs to come. I enjoyed going over in my mind what I would write. Not just for one day but for the entire week. I planned and thought forward rather than just writing on a whim. I am definitely motivated to write more, but what next for Musings of a FlutterbyBear??!! (ideas welcome!) I don’t want to do an endless line of “10 Days of…” It’s fun once in while but boring for all if it’s pumped out continuously.

The other reason I wanted to do 1o Days of Gratefulness was to avoid the slump or low mood that I feel towards my birthday. Did it work? I think it actually did. My birthday week was pretty awesome  overall. The actual day was such an anticlimax that it almost ended in tears. I’d tried to keep it simple and it still didn’t work out. This was due to factors outside of my and others control. It’s still not fair though! Through all of this I have hit some slumps and felt bleh. Yet the negativity has started to shift. I didn’t expect everything to change over night – or even over 10 days!

A life time of low self esteem and low self worth is something that likes to cling and stick. My 10 days of looking at the blessings in my life has begun to dissolve the bits that do not bring me life. Change is happening, life is stirring in my heart where there was once numbness or pain.

Yep. It’s worked. But what now? Not sure. We’ll see.

Love,

Sara xoxo

10 Days of Gratefulness: Day 10 – Life

I had to think about this one. It’s actually my birthday today and I did want to save one of my favourites for today. Or really sum up everything in one thing. Am I making sense? It’s OK, I’ll get to the point eventually.

Today I give thanks for my life in all that the word “life” means.

I am thankful for the unique individual that I am. For my creativity, intelligence, compassion, wisdom, heart for God, heart for people, sense of humour and wit. I am even thankful for the deep thinking that sometimes turns into over analysing things, for the introvert that struggles with too many people. I am thankful even for the vulnerability of past wounds and a sensitive nature. It was all knit together by Him. (Psalm 139:15)

I am thankful for all of the people that have influenced me, loved me, sown into my life and dealt with the more challenging aspects of Sara Ann. For those that have been there in moments of happiness, struggle and joy. Thankful for those that allow me the role of an Aunt in the child’s lives, even if we’re not actually related!

I’m thankful for the practical aspects of my life, the roof over my head, my little red car, a job that I love and provides financially.

All of these things, and many more, create this thing called my life.

I am also thankful for where it all comes from. I am thankful to my Father God who lavishes his love and life upon me even though I don’t  always see it. He shouts out His love even though I am at times deaf. I am thankful that He has placed these people, circumstance and things in my life, that show me undoubtedly that I am His beloved.

On this day, the day that I was born. I am thankful for it all.

Love,

Sara

xoxo

10 Days of Gratefulness: Day 9 – Our Nana

This one is a bitter sweet moment of appreciation. It’s another one that would be in the top 5 things that I am thankful for. Nana died in 1999 and 13 years later we all still miss her. Heaps. At my 30th I spoke briefly about my Nana and my family were all in tears.  At her funeral at  St Johns in Sorrento, the Church was overflowing with people to be there to say goodbye. What makes a woman so special that over  decade later people still talk about her and miss her as if she were just taken yesterday? I often ask myself this question.

There are so many things that I am grateful to my Nana for. For a warm and loving home away from home. I spent many weekends with her, toddling off to Church on Sundays. Nana had a  down to earth practical nature. Nana was a no nonsense woman who taught us many practical and common sense things around the house but also in life. Yet she also had a keen sense of humour.

I am thankful for her sharp wit and intelligence. Her cottage was filled with books, puzzles and activities for her grand children. She encouraged us to read and learn. Many of my early memories are of sitting in her lounge doing craft, reading, playing cards with her and a cousin, putting together puzzles and knitting. Each of us had our own box of treasures filled with our “stuff” to do craft, read or puzzles. She’d adjust them as we grew and developed.

I am thankful for her love of God and service to His Church. I would go to Church with her most weekends. She was dedicated to her Church community and we would often go early because she had to drop off the linen she’d starched during the week or some other task. I remember dinners, craft nights and other gatherings. I love lamingtons because once I went with Nana to make lamingtons with the Church ladies for a cake stall. It was a messy, sticky process but fun with the ladies, chatting and laughing. It was in this tight knit community that she, as a widow, was cared for and supported. I am grateful for her prayers that she would have prayed for all of her kids and for her grandkids.

I am thankful for the inheritance that I have from this woman – a heart for people, a heart of service, a heart for God, a heart for family, creativity and intelligence, the knitting bug, common sense (which I have learnt isn’t so common!) and many other things. She is no longer with us, but she has left a legacy of children and grandchildren that carry within them her heart.

Nana, Myself and Mum at my 18th in 1998.

Mostly I am grateful for Nana showing us, her children and grand children, what love really is. She loved each of us 12 grandchildren individually for the unique little people we were. She also had two foster children who grew to think of her as their Mum. Our Nana loved us unconditionally. I believe it is this above all else that made Nana a woman that we miss today. That she loved us with His love.

Love,

Sara xoxox

10 Days of Gratefulness: Day 8 – Intelligence

I’m smart. Modest too 😉 I thought about putting this with creativity, but they are two things that I am incredibly grateful for both together and separately. I’m not a genius by any means, but I can think. I learn quickly and I think fast. I can think and discuss with people and I ask questions. SO many questions! I am an introvert and so thinking happens constantly. Even if I am quiet, my mind is a busy hive of thoughts and activity. My mind is constantly taking everything in and processing the world around me.

I love that I don’t think inside the box, that I am able to see things in new ways. I can problem solve and adapt to situations. I can string some sentences together in a way that is intelligent. Sometimes I even make people laugh! Or maybe just smile.

That is all for this moment of appreciation. Sometimes less is more.

Love,

Sara xoxox

10 Days of Gratefulness: Day 7 – Our Family

I live in the suburbs of Melbourne and my family live 3 hours away in the country. I am blessed to have friends that have become family to fill the empty

All five of the Logan kids, a sister in law and the kiddies.

 

pieces that this distance creates. Yet my biological family aren’t too bad either. I appreciate and am thankful for them today. I am pretty fortunate to be able to say this, I love my family and know of others that have little, none and difficult contact with their families. Over the past few years, our family has started to grow closer. It’s a beautiful thing to experience and I am incredibly thankful for it.

With five of us siblings there can be interesting dynamics. It hasn’t always been easy but I have discovered over the years that I actually like my siblings! Now that is a miracle! I don’t just love them because I have to, but I enjoy spending time with them. I’m enjoying getting to know them more as the years go on. We are all quite different, yet we have core values that are strong within each five of us. Family is important to each and every one of us. Despite the tumultuous years, the fights and the distance, we each hold family as one of the most important things in our lives. We’re all helpers, people who care for those around us in different ways.

The sisters, the parents, a niece, a nephew, a couple of cousins, an aunt and of course, me!
I love crazy family photos, they are my favourite!
August 2010

I’m also blessed with cousins that are friends. Throughout our childhood, our extended family were close knit. Each and every Christmas, New Year, Easter, Mother’s Day we would all gather at my Nana’s place. School holidays were spent at each others houses or a few of us at Nan’s. These days the bond is still there and some of my cousins are some of my closest friends. We are scattered throughout Victoria and one in Queensland so we don’t get to see each other much. I love catching up though, reminiscing about the old days and laughing about now.

Finally, saving the best until last – my Mum and Dad who are two gentle and loving individuals. From them I have inherited compassion, empathy, kindness and a love of children that will never leave me. These two love their five kids and grandkids deeply. I am so deeply thankful for them.

None of us is perfect, but that is the beauty of it.

Love,

Sara xoxox

 

Mum, Dad and I

 

 

10 Days of Gratefulness: Day 6 – My Job

I am one of those fortunate people that loves their job. I mean really loves their job. I’ve worked in the disability field as a support worker for adults with disabilities for almost 10 years. During that time I have worked with many individuals with a wide range of both physical and intellectual disabilities. In October last year I was asked if I’d like a permanent part time position in a residential house that I’d been doing a couple of casual shifts at. I didn’t think about it too much before I said yes. The hours allow me to study at Bible College, it will also mean when I go back into ministry I will have time for that as well. I have a job that will provide financially for me and also allow me to do other things.

They’re not the the only reasons I love my job. Our boss is one of the most amazing people that I have worked under. She constantly encourages and empowers us to do our role. Thanks is a word that we hear from her constantly. My other two co-workers both genuinely care for the people that we support. The four of us are a great team who work together amazingly. We all genuinely like each other even though it is just work. We support 5 ladies with intellectual disabilities who are quite independent in their day to day lives, yet they come with some challenges. In some ways our job is easy, in other ways it is hard!

I love it, I love being a part of empowering vulnerable people to simply live their life the way that they want and not how they are told to. I love the challenging moments where someone is voicing their rights. I love getting to know my clients more and more each day. People often comment that I’m not in ministry at the moment and yet God has me being his hands and feet each shift that I do (and of course in other ways, but that is another blog!).

Love
Sara xoxo

p.s I also live on the same street as my work, fairly handy!

10 Days of Gratefulness: Day 5 – Being Aunty Sara a.k.a Sair Bear

Today I am grateful for being Aunty Sara a.k.a Sair Bear! I’m not doing my 10 days in any particular order of importance, but if I did, this one would be in the top 5 somewhere. Kids is my thing. It always has been for as long as I can remember. By the time I was 12 I had a regular babysitting job and then others throughout my teens. Kids love me, even when I don’t particularly like them, they like me.

Just over 5 years ago a little boy was born. For the first time ever I became an aunty. Then in 2009 a niece was born, little Jewel is now 3. Last year it was  just as exciting to welcome two more nieces – Xavi in August then Cienna in October. My circle of nieces and nephews extends outwards to include little Levi, my bestie’s little boy and little Sarah who is my mini house mate.  I’ve loved kids all my life, yet becoming an aunty deeply instilled within me the privilege it is to walk with a child through their life.  To love them, speak over their lives in my private prayers and encourage them with words. In studying Children’s Ministry, one of the most (if not THE most) important part of growing a child’s faith is the adults around them.  It is through these relationships that they learn what the love of God looks like, what it means to be a part of a faith filled community and what loving God looks like. What an amazing responsibility and honour to have these little people around me.

I love them all to bits! I love how different they all are, how a personality and their uniqueness shines through at such a young age. They inspire me to be a better person, to become more like Christ so that I can love them even more. I am thankful for their parents too, who allow me such an big influence in their precious children’s lives. I am thankful that family is so important to my siblings, that they allow me to be involved in their kids lives.

Love,

Sara xoxox